Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
