Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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