Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
