Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
