last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
