At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
