i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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