I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
