It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
