My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
