i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
