Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
