watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
