having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
