he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
