i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As shirtless as possible
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
