Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
