Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
