His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am available for nakedness
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
