Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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