i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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