my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
