bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
