True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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