Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
