My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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