"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
