uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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