i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
