this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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