I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
