I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
