I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
