The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
