he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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