why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
