Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
