he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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