I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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