just come out here and I will go home with you...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
