so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
