Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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