Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
