ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
