I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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