i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
