my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
