how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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