My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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