Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel great
I just peed on a car
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
