He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
