Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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