my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i believe in u and ur pee
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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